1. Your father wears bush-jackets, sighs a lot, and has a heavily
lipsticked secretary whose only purpose in life is to say "Ini dia fail yang encik
minta tadi." (This is the file that you asked for.)
2. Your mother wears jewels around the house and is always asking you
to sabarlah (be patient). At opportune moments she will worry that you're
not eating enough, place a hand on your forehead and say you need to see a doctor. You
decline politely but firmly. You don't quite trust your mother because she looks only 5 years
older than yourself.
3. An entire conversation (encapsulating but not limited to
introductions, exposition, and the dawning comprehension which come out of life-changing
revelations) can be held while waiting for the lift to arrive in your
10-storey office building.
4. You spend an awful lot of time getting in and out of cars and putting on seat-belts.
5. You enjoy saying the most obvious things. When a bunch of relatives turns up at your
door-step with enough luggage to see them through another world war, you say, "Eh, dah
sampai dah." (Eh, you're here). They somehow resist the temptation to say, "Nah, we're just
holograms."
6. Shopping complexes not only offer you a dazzling array of commercial
goods but have free Infidelity Checks. Hang around one long enough and you
will find out whether your loved one is cheating on your sorry ass. You will
spot the scumbag/tramp in an intimate moment with a third party as they
share an ice-cream or leave a shoe-store. While you make this discovery the shopping
complex will arrange for you to be hidden behind a convenient pillar.
7. Board meetings tend go very easily because only two out of the dozen people in the room ever
have anything to contribute. The others exist only to nod furiously. This is understandable
because they all look too young to know anything. The signal for a meeting to end is when
your hand-phone goes off.
8. At cafes you only ever order "fresh orange" juice and when it
arrives it will have a whole jungle of sprigs and twigs sticking out of it. The
profuse vegetation between your mouth and the drink will frustrate any attempt to take
large, comfortable gulps, so you merely sip. If the chat you are having at the cafe does not go
well you can storm out after an average of 2 and a half sips, leaving the other person to pay
for everything.
9. There are night-time moments along an alley-way when you will surrender
to an inexplicable urge to get beaten up. You will know when the time comes because blue
smoke will appear out of nowhere.
10. The proper protocol when visiting a loved one in hospital is to
pace restlessly up and down the corridor and then grab hold of the nearest white-coated
specimen to demand, "Bagaimana keadaan dia, doktor?"("How's s/he doing,doctor?") You
will persist in this line of questioning even after he patiently explains that it is too soon to tell.
You don't suspect the guy of being an imposter even though he seems awfully young to be a
doctor.
11. Hands are an important guide to character. You know who your enemies are
because they always crack their knuckles loudly before summoning the blue smoke. You
know who your friends are because they always snap their fingers and say "Alright!" when
you come up with some bright idea.
12. Your surroundings frequently come alive to the sound of music.
What do you think...typical...isn't it? :))
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